A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change. At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a powerful orator, rousing the masses with force and confidence. It was as if he were two different people.
One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
“Ah,” he said, “That’s my altar ego.”
Nitrogen triiodide will detonate violently due to random stray currents of air, the touch of a feather, or even a passing alpha particle.
… Still not as fragile as the male ego.
Today I am going to suggest that much of the violence being seen on the planet including the invasion of Ukraine, the threats to democracy in the US, the fever pace of mass shootings, and even the rush to destroy our ecosystems have in its roots, in “threatened masculinity.” I will suggest that the infamous male ego is not so much biology as it is a an outgrowth of the structure of society and conditioning from trauma, violence and mistreatment that shapes males to be “real men” who defend the structure of society in order to enforce social roles and systems with gross inequities, callousness to cruelty and suffering. I will also ask us to direct our thoughts and faith to finding a way to move towards beloved community, a different relationship with creation than attempted domination.
I have a riddle for you. Ready?
Schwartzenegger has a big one,
Michael J Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn’t have one,
The pope has one but doesn’t use it.
Clinton used his often
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
George Burns’ was hot
Liberace never used his on women
Jerry Seinfeld was proud of his.
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s
Anbody know what it is? … last name.
I chose this riddle because it demonstrates how our thinking can be directed by the framework we are presented. Culture presents to us frameworks. Religion, prevailing thoughts, standards, and values do the same.
In my last sermon I suggested that in every moment we do have the power to choose our perspective. We are not computers. We do have choice. However, society has tremendous impact on our thoughts and how we live. That, btw, is a good reason to participate in progressive religious and social movements. They are never perfect, always flawed. Sometimes we effect change slowly or in only small ways. How we participate and with whom may seem insignificant. Few things have a greater effect in this world.
Sometimes our participation in UU or other progressive movements help us to feel better about ourselves. We get even more fulfillment when we can see our efforts or money making a difference. Humility is really really helpful. If we are honest, we’ll admit that we are also contributors to society’s problems. If we think that we are immune to society’s oppressive and destructive thoughts and behavior patterns, we are mistaken.
Being UU doesn’t mean we are above or at all immune from the influence of regressive and oppressive forces. It’s impossible to completely avoid being part of social ills. Being UU means we belong to tradition that asks us to be willing to keep learning so that we can lessen our negative participation and maximize our support for healing and social progress.
Rather than divide the world in good and bad people, the woke and the ignorant ones, UU tradition affirms our oneness with all humanity and all life. We are cut from the same cloth, made of the same stuff. UU tradition asks us to become aware of the ways that society coerces participation into systems that enforce privilege, division, domination, subjugation, exploitation, destruction of ecosystems, assault of the human spirit, destruction of body and Earth.
Sorry if that is heavy. It is hard work. It is also a great challenge! Our tradition asks us to repent, by which I mean, to turn around, to change our ways and move in new directions, to participate in the creation of progressive alternatives to the status quo. Think of it as a spiritual discipline, devotion to the Sacred because it is.
UU tradition is heavy on education. Education and raised consciousness increases the chances of effectiveness. We are asked to learn about things like racism and sexism so that we can go further in extricating ourselves from evil, and more effective in creating progressive alternatives.
I’m guessing that most of us have learned quite a bit about male privilege. Today I’m inviting us to take a step further, to gain awareness that the way that males are socialized into accepting the system of privilege was actually itself quite violent and harmful. Boys and men are systemically mistreated, coerced, made to submit, conform, defend, and enforce a system of domination and privilege.
Yes I am inviting us all to grow in compassion. Compassion towards an oppressor group is a tall order and may sound like submission. Nevertheless, I am suggesting compassion and understanding of how IMO it all goes down. This isn’t the same as condoning misbehavior.
The complexity and intersection of oppressions can make hard to think well about men. It is said that empathy doesn’t flow uphill. Males are not a marginalized group. Male experience is centered. Men have written history, explained or mansplained reality. “If you are not a man, then you matter less.” That is the message taught by the structure of society. None of us are born asking to inherit this or any oppressive societal structures. It is by mistreatment that we are coerced to accept the system.
Another thing that it makes it hard to think of the mistreatment of men, is the way men organize as reactionary forces to attack feminism. Many men, especially white men, perceiving a loss of long held privileges, and have created violent backlash against woman’s rights and all progressive movements. The last president mastered the art of claiming to be mistreated. He and large sections of his party harness the discontent primarily of whites who perceive themselves as losing ground.
Some men claim that they have been discriminated when society tries to hold them accountable for their misbehavior. For example, look what happens when men are accused of sexual assault.
By claiming to be the victims, the former president martialed forces. His party used this to hide nefarious activities. Claiming to be victims of election fraud, they raised millions of dollars to fund efforts to dismantle government protections of all kinds. They’ve unsubstantiated claims of election fraud to justify voter suppression, and gain powers to throw out results they don’t like.
Despite all this, I am suggesting that harm and violence done to boys is systemic, traumatic, oppressive and leads to a perpetuation of greater violence. Boys are made to ignore what hurts them, made to “man up,” stop complaining, walk it off, in order to do what needs to be done. The pedagogy and conditioning that prepares boys to become men is designed to create soldiers willing to kill and be willing to lay down our bodies and lives supposedly in defense and protection of our nation. This measure of manhood can be exploited for aggressive ends, as Russia’s invasion of Ukraine demonstrates.
Violence against boys produces violence perpetuated by men. This violence bears the shape of sexism. Boys are trained not to be like girls. When a boy’s behavior, mannerisms or attitude is seen as feminine, he is met with mocking, shame, ostracism and physical violence. When boys express emotion especially fear or pain, they are told they are acting like girls. Becoming a “real man” involves denying tenderness. When boys object or hesitate to enforce this sexist order, we are subjected to greater violence. We learn we must subdue our own nature. By puberty we are taught that to be a real man, we must “get” a female. This is the only permissible way to connect to the parts of us that have been denied. To be a real man is to exercise dominance, to conquer and subdue. Many of us lose touch with our humanity.
Masculinity and the privileges of being male are called birthright. However, we must “achieve” them. Our claim to masculinity can be challenged. We learn that we must prove ourselves by conquest.
IMO, this is why Putin invaded Ukraine. I believe it’s why Bush invaded Iraq. He needed to get Hussein to prove himself to his father. This is why 45 bragged that as a celebrity he could get away with grabbing …..
Since Columbine, “mental illness” is said to be the cause of mass shootings. People labeled as mentally ill are scapegoats and easy targets. However, a far greater correlation, the most common characteristic of mass shooters is that they are teen or young adult males. Some people are quick to blame genetics or testosterone. Although testosterone clearly plays a role in male behavior, biology is a convenient way to ignore greater and more obvious influences. When, as a society, will we address the level of misogyny in our culture? When will we address the spread of hatred? Will we become curious about what obligates men to prove themselves in violent ways?
Last spring, I stumbled on videos of numerous lectures and interviews with Professor Dr Kristen Du Mez, author of the 2020 best selling book “Jesus and John Wayne; how white evangelicals corrupted a faith and fractured a nation.” She pieces together historical patterns and causes for current trends. Her work has intrigued and illuminated me, help me to integrate and understand much that has happened politically and culturally.
One of the many things I’ve appreciated hearing from her is how leaders in the Evangelical culture and in the Republican party exploited populist movements and soon found out that they could not control them. White supremacist groups and ideology has risen into the mainstream. Xenophobia, racism, replacement theory and warrior masculinity have unleased some unruly forces!
Du Mez talks about how she was watching the trend of sex scandals, sexual assault charges and accusations, repeated justification and defense by and of leaders. She saw the link to Evangelical promotion of warrior masculinity. She repeatedly heard defense of crimes, sexual assault and misconduct with statements like “God gave men testosterone so that they would be aggressive, that its necessary so that men will be able to defend their family, their nation and their faith.”
In 2016 many expressed dismay wondering how conservatives could embrace the crass behavior of Donald Trump, the history of alleged sexual harassment and assault, his questionable or lack of business ethics etc. She points out how right wing language of clear sides, right and wrong, good and evil has led to an embrace of the ends justify the means. They believed that they needed someone willing to do whatever was necessary to get the job done. Recent Supreme court decision have been used as vindication and proof that they were right.
In promoting this sermon, I said that “threatened masculinity,” male ego and insecurity was a contributing cause to so much violence that we are seeing globally. Some will argue that extreme times call for fighting fire with fire. I remember Sen Ted Kennedy saying that there are two ways to lose to an enemy. One way is that the conquer you and subject you to their will, their ways, their vales. The second way is when in order to defeat them, you adopt their ways and their values.
When we did the guided visualization earlier, I invited you to come up with images, details of what it would be like if a generation grew up without being shamed, bullied and beaten to become “real men.” If anyone had difficulty allowing their creative flow, I have compassion for you. Perhaps some heard inner messages that mocked the invitation as gay, kumbayah, foolish, sentimental, etc. We may carry it our heads, but it originally came in from outside of us, someone mocking. It is the very conditioning I’ve pointed to today.
It may seem easy and tempting to become cynical. It may seem impossible that we could sustain love, joy, love of life in the face of violence. It may seem that Christians have abandoned the ethics of Jesus. Perhaps we expect conservative Christians to stand on the side of oppression, greed and hate.
Maybe it’s up to heathens, heretics, agnostics and atheists to carry on the spirit of a man who told his followers to love their enemies, a man who consistently stood with the marginalized and outcast.
Maybe we need scientists or hard-core rationalists to show that survival depends upon cooperation. Maybe it will take a coalition of dreamers, poets, mad hatters, realists, sissies, gender benders, fairies, feminists, courageous advocates with our without sentimentality who unite to defy the power of the mighty, if the mighty turn their back on love, on justice, on life.
Maybe we need Unitarian Universalists who have practiced living without answers, who have a diversity of theologies, and a community of heart, people who don’t always think alike but who can choose to love alike. Maybe we need to show the world we will bring our faith to life, we will defy forces of hate, we will take time to sing, and we will walk together to create beloved community. And it might not be Eden, but we can do better than this. And we will choose better every time!
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